Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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