Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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