I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
