I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
