the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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