yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
