covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
