Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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