Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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