just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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