I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
