I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
