I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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