omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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