you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
