if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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