He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
