Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
