this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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