that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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