Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i dont even know how to be here
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
