apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
