I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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