in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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