I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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