i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
