I look better un-naked...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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