the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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