I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
