apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
