It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
