So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
