My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
