Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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