dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
