I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
