Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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