ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wear drunk well.
How naked do you want me to be?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
