Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
