Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just had sex on a roof
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
