I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
