If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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