and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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