if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
