My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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