running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
