We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
