Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
