I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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