Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
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woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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