The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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