I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
