Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
