Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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