Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
