Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
