What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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