Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
